Old Habits

Sometimes I feel like I haven't learnt anything. I've lost almost 30kgs. I've changed my eating habits. I eat more veggies now. I eat seeded bread. I eat BEANS (13-year-old me would have shuddered at the thought) And yet... I still find myself making some of the bad decisions I've always done.

Today, after a big helping of dinner, I ate chocolate chips right out the box. Chocolate chips! It's not even a dessert! It's for baking damnit, not for stuffing in your face at hyper speed. To my knowledge there was no good reason for this shameful binge - I'm not upset, I didn't have a bad day, I don't think I was even craving sweets. It was just there and I had it.

Perhaps sometimes, when we're not vigilant, we fall back into our old habits. My old habit is being a Constant Craver and I just want to eat non-stop. There's something ridiculously familiar and comforting about that motion of hand-to-mouth. Then, once I've stopped, I get another familiar feeling - one of disappointment and shame. I get so mad at myself because, even though I've lost all this weight, I've still got this great big belly I'm trying to get rid of. They say abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym - well I've eaten the whole damn kitchen, now what?

As always, I think the only thing to do is pick yourself back up, shake off the dust (and cookie crumbs) and start over.