Eat More Food

Can you believe that two years ago I didn't like avo? Now I literally can't live without it. If there was an apocalypse that wiped out all the avocados on earth... and I was forced to have dry avo-less toast in the mornings... I would probably give up my body to science rather than live an existence without that green goodness. Probably.

My point is... I gave avo another shot. When I was younger I think I didn't like the texture of it - I found it a little slimy. Now I try new produce all the time, and I try preparing foods I don't like in a different way. If you restrict your diet and eat the same thing all the time, you stand the risk of getting bored and eventually giving up. By eating a variety of different foods and experimenting with them, you have a higher chance of successfully changing your lifestyle and eating habits :)

Emotional Eating

My boyfriend and I broke up on Monday. It wasn't as bad as you're imagining. There were no hurt feelings, there was no screaming, there was no crying. But there was sadness. Yes, there was sadness... this person you shared your time, hopes, dreams, anger, and love with will no longer be there.

Simply knowing he won't be there anymore leaves me with a deep sense of loneliness - as if the world suddenly grew smaller and I've been shoved onto a small island. 

That being said, I also know I'm going to be okay. I've gone through worse and only grew stronger, wiser, and more independent. 

It's also made me acutely aware of my emotional eating habits. I've always known I gobble up feelings of loneliness or boredom, but yesterday I was able to notice it immediately. It's that sort of constant shoveling action from bowl to mouth (oh, who are we kidding? straight from the packet to mouth) where you don't even think or feel or taste... you just eat. 

Now that I'm more aware of it, perhaps I can pre-empt it. 

Although sometimes, just sometimes... you need to simply let go and gobble that brownie.

Old Habits

Sometimes I feel like I haven't learnt anything. I've lost almost 30kgs. I've changed my eating habits. I eat more veggies now. I eat seeded bread. I eat BEANS (13-year-old me would have shuddered at the thought) And yet... I still find myself making some of the bad decisions I've always done.

Today, after a big helping of dinner, I ate chocolate chips right out the box. Chocolate chips! It's not even a dessert! It's for baking damnit, not for stuffing in your face at hyper speed. To my knowledge there was no good reason for this shameful binge - I'm not upset, I didn't have a bad day, I don't think I was even craving sweets. It was just there and I had it.

Perhaps sometimes, when we're not vigilant, we fall back into our old habits. My old habit is being a Constant Craver and I just want to eat non-stop. There's something ridiculously familiar and comforting about that motion of hand-to-mouth. Then, once I've stopped, I get another familiar feeling - one of disappointment and shame. I get so mad at myself because, even though I've lost all this weight, I've still got this great big belly I'm trying to get rid of. They say abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym - well I've eaten the whole damn kitchen, now what?

As always, I think the only thing to do is pick yourself back up, shake off the dust (and cookie crumbs) and start over.

Every journey is different

A quick note about yesterday's post on Fitness Goals - remember that everyone's journey is different and some people take longer than others. About 10 years ago, my mom tried to make me attend Weigh Less. I probably lost max 3kg. I was not ready to change my lifestyle. I was not ready to change my eating habits. I was not ready to deal with my emotional issues. If someone is not willing to make changes to their life, nothing you say or do can change that.

I've accepted that my journey will take very long. The way I see it, I'm undoing 25 years of damage I've inflicted on my own body. I've accepted that the process will be long, but the important thing is to enjoy the process along the way.

PS: Look what my mom bought me! #BestMomEver