Dat Ass

I was out in Greenside with friends when an enibriated woman called me over. She whispered "You're my sister" What? "I'm like Khloe Kardashian and you look exactly like Kourtney so we're soul sisters" Okaaaay crazy lady... 

This is the FOURTH time someone has told me I look like Kourtney Kardashian. What is it? The hair, the smile? Personally, I don't really see it... and I'm not sure if it's a compliment or an insult. Are you saying I look hot AF... or are you saying I look like a hoe bag? I do think Kourtney is the better-looking of the lot (compared to sasquatch Khloe and plastic Kim) but I'm not sure I like being compared to a 2K.

It's the booty... isn't it? I swear to you my ass has grown a few centimeters in just 6 months (possibly due to the fact that my trainer threatens us with violence if we don't squat ass to grass). The other day I noticed a visible panty line. It's like my underwear has turned on me... giving me the air of a dumpy middle-aged math teacher who's clearly given up on life. Don't get me wrong... I love having strong legs and glutes, but my god one of these days my legs are going all Incredible Hulk on these skinny jeans.

5 Unexpected things that happen when you lose weight

1. Certain food and drinks are too sweet for you now. I can NOT drink ciders or my old poison rum & coke. It's like eating sugar straight up.

2. Your clothes don't fit anymore. Yes, this one is obvious, but it still comes as a surprise! No matter how much you desperately cling to your favourites, you have to let them go sometime.

3. Even your rings and shoes no longer fit. Who knew you lost fat in your fingers?!

4. You feel the damn cold. All that blubber insulation is gone.

5. You can't stop checking out your muscles. Okay, so I don't have big scary guns or anything... but I have very defined calves and thighs. When your teenage cousin says, "Geez Nik, your legs are so dak!" then you must know.

My recent feature in BONA magazine. Aaaalll the legs.