Why did I eat so much?

Googled "Why did I eat so much"... was not disappointed with the results.

I feel you little guy, I feel you.

Emotional Eating

My boyfriend and I broke up on Monday. It wasn't as bad as you're imagining. There were no hurt feelings, there was no screaming, there was no crying. But there was sadness. Yes, there was sadness... this person you shared your time, hopes, dreams, anger, and love with will no longer be there.

Simply knowing he won't be there anymore leaves me with a deep sense of loneliness - as if the world suddenly grew smaller and I've been shoved onto a small island. 

That being said, I also know I'm going to be okay. I've gone through worse and only grew stronger, wiser, and more independent. 

It's also made me acutely aware of my emotional eating habits. I've always known I gobble up feelings of loneliness or boredom, but yesterday I was able to notice it immediately. It's that sort of constant shoveling action from bowl to mouth (oh, who are we kidding? straight from the packet to mouth) where you don't even think or feel or taste... you just eat. 

Now that I'm more aware of it, perhaps I can pre-empt it. 

Although sometimes, just sometimes... you need to simply let go and gobble that brownie.

Home is where the food is

I put on a kilo in a week. How did I do it? Did I eat my weight in cake? No. I went home for the weekend.

I always go home with the intention of sticking to my healthy eating plan... but did I do that this time? As soon as I entered the house, I ate two big pieces of quiche. Just like that. There's something about being home that makes me want to eat and eat until I'm bursting at the seams... and then eat some more. One major problem is that my great big Indian family often shows love through food. Suppose I went to my grandmother's house and refused to eat the rich delicious meal she lovingly slaved over for hours? The correct answer is: It would not go down well. Each family member you visit expects you to share a meal with them. They bake something special just for you because they know you like it. They want to see the joy on your face when you eat and to know you had a good time with them. This is the joy, and the curse, of being at home.

I realise now that if I hadn't left home, I honestly wouldn't have had the strength to lose weight. Living on my own in Jhb, I have managed to keep a healthy environment. When I do buy junk food, I keep it to single serving portions. The last time I went home, my mom baked a tray of triple chocolate brownies. I pinched a slice every. single. time. I passed the kitchen. When you're in a shared living space, you can't expect other people to ban junk food or to restrict themselves because of you. You have to learn to live with the everyday-temptations and grow your own personal strength.

I failed this time, but next time I go home I'm going to exercise restraint. If I know I'm going out for a big supper, I'm going to have a light lunch. If someone makes brownies, I'm going to have one, not the entire tray. Every day is a challenge, and every good choice is a victory.

One more thing about being home... people exaggerate. Like, a lot. Someone said to me "You lost so much weight, you're the size of your sister now," to which I reply NO! I lost weight, not my damn eyesight!