Holiday Guilt

I went to my first spin class of the year on Thursday and was, of course, exhausted about 10 minutes in.

At the end of the class, the instructor said something really interesting. He said everyone is so tired because we're feeling guilty about the food we ate over the holidays. At first this seemed like complete gibberish (like what do YOU know about what I've eaten) but then he explained. He said we're spending so much of our energy on guilt and negativity that it's sapping our energy levels to do other things. We think that working out is just about physical energy but it's affected by emotional energy as well. Given that I felt guilty throughout the holidays, I think his theory has some validity.

I am so ashamed to admit that I am going back to Weight Watchers this week. From the end of last year, my eating (or rather, my constant snacking) was getting out of control and took a turn for the worst in the December holidays. My heart jumped out my chest when I got on the scale just after Christmas and found that I was 5 kilos heavier than my goal weight. My stomach was so big that for a second I honestly thought I could be pregnant.

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to maintain my weight. It feels like I've thrown all my hard work in the garbage. It seems like I've moved 5 steps back.

Thankfully, since getting home and going back to my normal routine, I'm only 3 kilos over my goal weight. However, I still feel fat, my jeans are still tight, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm determined to get back to my goal this year but, as I've stated so many times before, every day is a struggle. I've watched a lot of documentaries where they say food is an addiction. I never really understood that until now. I eat constantly. Not because I'm hungry, not because I'm sad, I just eat to eat. I'm finally understanding the depths of the situation that weight loss maintenance is a lifelong battle.

Maintenance Update

Since reaching my weight goal almost two months ago, I've put on almost two kilos.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but I believe this weight gain can be attributed to two major changes in my life:

1. I changed jobs

The new job is very demanding. Long hours, tight deadlines. I've been eating a LOT of snacks and especially sugary foods to pick me up at 5pm.

I only get home at 6.30 (at best). This means I cook late, eat late, and then sleep on a full stomach. It's the WORST thing you can do for weight maintenance - or even your health in general.

2. I've been doing weight training 5 days a week

This isn't permanent, thank god. Since January, my trainer has wanted us to get our strength back (post-festive season) and move up a level (get off the plateau). This means I've been getting up at 5 almost every single day to do strength training... and THAT means no time or energy for cardio.

I'm sad that I haven't quite managed to maintain my goal weight, but I'm happy I've recognized and addressed my issues before it can get any worse. By the end of March I'll be back to my evening cardio routine, and I plan to stop eating carbs past 5pm.

I've discovered how hard it can be to maintain your weight when you're super stressed - I get out of a 3 hour meeting and just want to stuff my face with all the carby sugary cheesy goodness this universe has to offer. You forget all your goals, you forget you're trying to stay healthy - all that your heart desires is to drown your problems in decadent indulgence. I have a long journey ahead of me and a LOT of learning to do.