Monday Lunchbox: Tuna with Green Salad

This salad is my new obsession. There's something about the bitter greens combined with the sweet dressing that makes me drool as we speak. 

Ingredients:

- 1 cup mixed salad leaves, shredded

- 1/4 cup watercress

- 1/4 cup cucumber, chopped

- 1/4 avo, sliced

- a few slivers of onion, finely sliced

- a chunk of feta, chopped

Layer all the ingredients, keeping the avo on top so it doesn't get pulverised under the salad. The magic ingredient is this beautiful Sweet Balsamic Vinaigrette from food.com. Keep the dressing in a separate container to pour on at work - this will prevent the leaves from getting soggy and wilting. Enjoy! :)

Are you happy now?

Pic: freeimages.com

A few weeks ago, I bumped into a work colleague at Woolies. It was somewhat awkward because all I had in my shopping basket was a lonely cucumber.

Colleague: Nikita! Is that all you're having for lunch??
*eyes me as if I'm going anorexic*

Me: No, no... this is for something else.

Colleague: You've lost so much more weight.

Me: Haha... (always awkward)

Colleague: Are you happy now?

Excuse the rant but... WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? Am I HAPPY?! In what world do you live in where skinny equates happiness? And was I supposed to have been a miserable pudgy mess when I was fatter? Do you picture me crying on my bed stuffing my face with oreos while lamenting my double chin and fat rolls? Do you think if you lose weight you'll be happier?

But... maybe I misunderstood.

Maybe she meant "are you happy with your weight now?" to which I would still reply WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? Do you go around asking everyone if they're happy with their weight? Is that what you consider polite small talk amongst colleagues? Is anyone happy with their weight?

Excluding a minuscule few, who fully embrace their love handles and muffin top, the rest of us aren't happy. It doesn't mean we don't value ourselves or that we hate our bodies... We simply want to improve, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We aim for progress, not perfection.

The Fat Mindset

When I used to go shopping, I would look through a variety of shirts and try to find the largest size. A lot of retailers only stock a max size 12 or 14 so I often found it very hard to find clothes that fit, let alone look good. The worst was when an item of clothing is simply labelled "large" – what the heck does that mean?! More often than not, it meant it's not going to fit me.

Once I started losing weight, I still went straight to the large sizes. I was still looking for the loose-fitting dresses and pants that could hide my stomach. My mindset hadn't yet adapted to my changing body.

On Friday while shopping, I found a nice long sleeve t-shirt. Looking at the large, I decided it was definitely too big for me. I picked up medium and small, eyeing them both with furrowed eyebrows. I took both to the changing room to try my luck. The medium felt great, comfy and loose-fitting. Then I put on the small - also comfy, but more fitted. At that point I realised I have no idea what size I am. Not only that, I have no idea how clothes are meant to fit. I'm so used to a baggy fit that I don't know what's normal anymore.

Being fat is a mindset, and it's so incredibly difficult to shake that perspective. With clothing, you have to find items that will hide your body... and the same goes for interactions with people. You often try your best to stay under the radar. If I was out with friends and someone approached the group, I would assume he was only talking to me to get introduced to one of the other girls. In my mind, I would feel offended and create a wall of aloof rudeness to make the situation just go away.

I am only now becoming more aware of the deep-seated feelings of vulnerability, anxiety, and shame that comes with a life of fat. I think you have to open yourself up to acknowledge the emotions, feel them, and let them go. Nothing good ever comes from bottling your feelings.

I know... easier said than done. Believe me, I still walk into a room and think I'm the fattest person there. I still freak out every time my boyfriend picks me up, thinking he's going to collapse under my weight. I still look at myself naked in the mirror and think "you're disgusting". Losing weight won't take those thoughts and feelings away. You have to work on that yourself.

The Awkward Gym Diaries

Sometimes your brain just doesn't work...

Me: So what do you normally do for breakfast?

Trainer: I have something small at home and then I eat again at gym.

Me: Oh ok cool, I usually do that when I have the runs.

Trainer: *Looks at me quizzically*

Wait, what did I just say?

Me: Oh my GOD I meant when I GO for a run!!

Home is where the food is

I put on a kilo in a week. How did I do it? Did I eat my weight in cake? No. I went home for the weekend.

I always go home with the intention of sticking to my healthy eating plan... but did I do that this time? As soon as I entered the house, I ate two big pieces of quiche. Just like that. There's something about being home that makes me want to eat and eat until I'm bursting at the seams... and then eat some more. One major problem is that my great big Indian family often shows love through food. Suppose I went to my grandmother's house and refused to eat the rich delicious meal she lovingly slaved over for hours? The correct answer is: It would not go down well. Each family member you visit expects you to share a meal with them. They bake something special just for you because they know you like it. They want to see the joy on your face when you eat and to know you had a good time with them. This is the joy, and the curse, of being at home.

I realise now that if I hadn't left home, I honestly wouldn't have had the strength to lose weight. Living on my own in Jhb, I have managed to keep a healthy environment. When I do buy junk food, I keep it to single serving portions. The last time I went home, my mom baked a tray of triple chocolate brownies. I pinched a slice every. single. time. I passed the kitchen. When you're in a shared living space, you can't expect other people to ban junk food or to restrict themselves because of you. You have to learn to live with the everyday-temptations and grow your own personal strength.

I failed this time, but next time I go home I'm going to exercise restraint. If I know I'm going out for a big supper, I'm going to have a light lunch. If someone makes brownies, I'm going to have one, not the entire tray. Every day is a challenge, and every good choice is a victory.

One more thing about being home... people exaggerate. Like, a lot. Someone said to me "You lost so much weight, you're the size of your sister now," to which I reply NO! I lost weight, not my damn eyesight! 

8-minute abs

A few years ago, I discovered a wonderful 80s-style workout video "8-minute abs". You know that old-timey workout video... the one with a spandex-clad instructor doing a random workout in an empty park... you know the one. 

Of course, I was always enticed by this video because it promised abs in a pitiful eight minutes (my kind of training!) One day I said to myself, "I am going to do this every single morning before I start my day and I am going to have such a flat stomach!" Needless to say, this resolution lasted a week.

Now that I'm more of a seasoned gym-goer, I've been putting in more effort than a half-hearted eight minutes. This morning, however, something drew me to the old abs video. Maybe it was a sense of nostalgia. Maybe it was the urge to rid my sins of the pie the night before. Whatever the reason, I did my eight minutes, and was pleasantly surprised by one little change.

On the last exercise, the instructor makes you place your fingers on your rectus abdominals (the ab area just below your boobs) while you do a minute of crunches. You're meant to feel the flat sheath that makes up the rectus abdominal muscles, and he says "hopefully you won't have to dig too far for long, gang" (Gang... Good god how old is this video? Who says that anymore?) A few years ago, this statement baffled me. I couldn't feel this "flat sheath" and I most certainly had to dig to feel anything under the blanket of fat. Today, for the first time, I felt the flat sheath... and it felt great.

Wake up!

Recently, especially if I know I have a tough week at work ahead, I've been getting up at 5am to go to gym (The horror! I know). It's really tough, but after the first few times, your body starts to get used to the routine and you'll find yourself waking up early voluntarily. Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Get a good night's sleep
When you get in bed the night before, get off Insta and put your phone on silent. You need a good, uninterrupted sleep. In a perfect world, you should get 8 hours, but try to get 6 at the very least.

2. Don't set 30 000 alarms
Don't kid yourself. Letting yourself sleep in for an extra 15 minutes is not going to magically make you chipper and alert. It's a lot easier to have one alarm that you HAVE to get up for.

3. Put the lights on
In summer, get up immediately and open the curtains. It's definitely easier to wake up when you have some sunshine on your face. In winter, just put on the lights - and not just the bedside lamp which is soooo convenient and dim enough to fall right back to sleep - get up and put on the lights.

4. Drink water
As soon as you get up, drink a large glass of cold water. It will help to rehydrate your body and make you feel less groggy.

5. Pack early
You got over the hard part and now you still have to pack lunch?! Oh hell no. Pack your lunch and gym kit the night before. You'll be all set with no excuses.


If all else fails, you'll have to get a partner like me who forcibly removes you from bed.