Spinning

Can we please take a moment to talking about indoor cycling? It's been about 4 days since my last spin class and I'm 87% sure I've broken my vagina. As a woman I find those seats uncomfortable AF... so how on earth do men manage? Firstly, the seat is hard as a rock. Second, when you have to lean forward, the front end of the saddle is digging into your bits like some sort of medieval torture... and this is something people willing do for 45 minutes?

I used to think spin class was boring. I mean really, you're just sitting in the same place staring at the wall for an hour. Then I went to a class that actually had a fantastic instructor. There I am sweating buckets, feeling like I'm at max resistance and he says "that's the end of the warm up". To my great horror, I realise that only 5 minutes has passed. Cycling is a whole other level of cardiovascular fitness.

However, you have to wade through all the crap instructors to finally find a good one. One instructor I know has the musical taste of a 60 year old woman. He played DISCO INFERNO when we were meant to sprint and go our fastest. Do you know how difficult it is trying to ride fast to VH1 classics 70s disco boogie? Very. It's very difficult.

Some spinning studios try to make the experience "cool". I love (I say love, but what I really mean is I sarcastically laugh at) how they turn down the lights and have almost UV blue club type of lighting. What with the blue lighting and the disco jams, I felt like I was at a Mix FM decades party.

Blogger Sheryl Kraft came to a brilliant conclusion about spin class lighting:

3. They keep the room so dark because:
a). you can’t see if your neighbor is dead or alive
b). your neighbor can’t see you grimacing in pain from the fire you feel in your thighs
c). if you want to leave class early, you can’t, because you can’t find your way out.

I must say I agree... but for some bewildering unnatural reason, I'm keen for another spot of torture next week.

Maintenance Update #2

I've been struggling to write this post because everything I think of sounds terrible. I've been re-reading my old posts and, to be honest, 6 months later I still feel the same. As one of my New Year resolutions, I said I would only step on the scale on Fridays. Guess what? After the last maintenance update I've been checking my weight every single day. If you're following my insta account, then you know my body fat percentage has gone from 22% in December to 25% in May. Not only was this hugely demotivating, but it made me paranoid that I'm moving backwards on this journey. My goal is still a body fat percentage of 20 (and I feel confident that I will reach it eventually) but every day is a struggle - often mingled with feelings of anxiety and guilt.

I still feel like I'm fat (or at least fatter than most people). Why is it that other people - who weigh the same as me or even more - have a completely flat stomach and I still have a flabby muffin top? I know we all have different bodies, but really? This seems unfair. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how long it will take to undo 25 years of damage. Will I ever reach my goals?

Sometimes the most unexpected things upset me the most. When a friend says "you're so lame" after I refuse a shot. When a family member says "you're taking this too far". I might be overly sensitive, but those words play on my mind. I start to wonder if they're right... I wake up at 5 for gym and finish work at 6. I cook, I do dishes, I go to sleep. Repeat. I start to question what my life has become - Am I boring now? What do I do with my time? Do my friends even like me? I realise that many people won't understand my journey - and that's fine - but it still hurts when what I deem hard work is met with criticism and disdain.

What did I tell you? It all sounds terrible. It sounds as if between cooking, work, and the gym, I sit in my room weeping. This is not the case. After maintaining my goal weight for 6 months... I'm proud. I'm confident. I celebrate small victories.

I'm really happy with how my relationship with food has changed. It's the little things that I'm most proud of: knowing that I need a colourful plate of food with 50% veggies, eating a big breakfast full of healthy protein. I've changed my frame of mind from a life of indulgence to a life of balance. Well, I'm slowly getting there at least. I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry and not when I'm stressed, and not when I'm bored. I fail miserably a lot of the time but, the point is, I'm more aware of it now.

I like how I'm pushing my body. People love to comment "oh you're taking it too far, you're pushing yourself too much" but I'm doing things with my body that I never thought was possible for me. I never thought I'd start pole dancing, hanging upside down, and holding on for dear life with the back of my leg. It makes me feel brave and in control of my own life, and I think that's what people don't understand. My friends and family see it as fitness taking over my life, but I see it as me taking back control of my own health, body, and fitness.

I have this stuck on my fridge: Don't be scared to be alone. Goals are personal. No matter what issues I have regarding my family, my friends or my body image... I'm stronger than I was 6 months ago, I'm pushing harder, and that's all that matters.

Swimming

For reasons unknown, I think it's still a good idea to go swimming in the middle of winter. The gym pool DOES have heating (so I'm not a complete madman) but it's still rather cold.

I dipped my right foot in. Fuck that's cold.

I hold onto the edge and lower myself in. Fuuuuuuck

Now fully in the pool, I've decided torture is not on the menu for today. 10 laps instead of 20.

I've never swum so fast in my life. In an attempt to warm myself up, I'm speeding freestyle across the pool.

Aaaargh my lungs, my heart. This is how I die...

Apparently when I swim fast I pretty much stop breathing.

Gym Ball Adventures

Every time.

Annoying things people say #5

So I'm walking out the gym after pilates and a swim, and the receptionist stops me.

Receptionist: Can I ask you something... you've lost a lot of weight, right?

Me: Yeah

Receptionist: So, how did you do it?

Me: Umm... well I'm here every day...

Receptionist: That's all?

Me: I've been eating healthier as well.

Receptionist: So no pills or anything??

You WORK at the gym, crazy lady. You know I'm here EVERY day. Why on earth would I be gyming my butt off if I were taking pills? Exercise and healthy eating - the commandments of weight loss - why would you believe otherwise?

The Skinny Rules

Last week was just one of those weeks when absolutely everything was falling apart. Emotionally and physically, I was not in it. I found myself trapped in this cycle of feeling guilty, eating badly, and not attending gym. Repeat. 

The theme for this week is: GET. YOUR SHIT. TOGETHER.

I have it in big letters on my bedroom cupboard. No more wallowing in self doubt. No more eating crap. No more idle walking on the treadmill. 

Often when I need fitspiration, I'll look back at my Heart Health pins. I came across these 20 Skinny Rules which, if followed in moderation, are actually pretty good. I'm certainly not going to start force feeding myself apples and berries, but they're good indicators to live by. One thing that really sticks out for me - RULE 18: Go To Bed Hungry. Last week, I fell into that old habit of late night snacking - the WORST thing to do when you're trying to lose weight. I found it also makes me feel fat and sluggish in the morning - definitely not a good way to start the day.

So this week - no more! I'm following these skinny rules.

Fitness Goals

Yesterday I had my third fitness assessment and I am so so happy with the results. Some things haven't changed much - my arm size went from 11 inches to 10. Yup, still got those jiggly Oprah arms. However, some things have changed...

My body fat percentage went from 39.1 to 27.5. My resting heart rate went from 80 to 60. My water percentage went from 43.4 to 50.9. These are massive amazing changes that you can't see when you look at the exterior. Setting fitness goals has taught me that it's really not about the number on the scale or even the centimeters lost. It's about getting fitter, faster, stronger, and loving how it makes you feel.

Click the pic to expand

At my very first session 8 months ago, my trainer Daniella told me to set goals to work towards - goals that have absolutely nothing to do with the scale. Perhaps you want to fit into that dress you bought three years ago and never wore again. Perhaps you want to run a half marathon. Find something to work towards that doesn't involve you hopping on the scale every morning praying the numbers go down.

Fitness goals are about slow and steady progress. Getting stronger one day at a time.

FAQ: Personal Training

8 months ago, I started personal training. There are 3 general questions I get asked about it:

1. Aren't you scared of getting too muscular?
No! I'm not lifting 50kg over here! Okay okay, to be fair... before I did my research I had the same misconceptions about weight training. We've all seen those scary buff girls with fake boobs and a Donald Trump tan and assume we'll look like that too. The truth is, you use weight training to build lean muscle, to burn fat, and to tone. Ever seen those girls with the incredibly firm perky ass? => Weight training. Squats.

 

 

2. Are you still with her? Don't you know everything now?
I've been for training 6 months. Daniella has been training for nearly 10 years - it's impossible for me to know everything. What I love about Daniella is that we do something different every single week. That way, you don't get bored with the routine and you learn new techniques all the time. A lot of people have told me that their trainer didn't do much with them and made them do a lot of cardio. You need to speak to your trainer and tell them what you want to focus on, and which parts of your body you want to work. If you're still not happy then change your trainer. You need to train with someone who inspires you, someone who will gently push you, and ultimately help you reach your fitness goals.

3. Maybe I should get a personal trainer? I need someone to make me do stuff.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but no-one can make you do anything. You are totally in control of your decisions. Daniella advises that her clients do 3 days of cardio in addition to the weight training once a week. Who's going to make you do those 3 days of cardio? The best way to get yourself to the gym is to do the things you love. Personally, I fell in love with running. I also love the dance workout class and body combat. Find a workout that you love and actually want to do and you won't need anyone to force you to gym.

The Awkward Gym Diaries

It gets awkward when the old biddy next to you can shake her 70-year-old booty better than you.

The Awkward Gym Diaries

Sometimes your brain just doesn't work...

Me: So what do you normally do for breakfast?

Trainer: I have something small at home and then I eat again at gym.

Me: Oh ok cool, I usually do that when I have the runs.

Trainer: *Looks at me quizzically*

Wait, what did I just say?

Me: Oh my GOD I meant when I GO for a run!!

Wake up!

Recently, especially if I know I have a tough week at work ahead, I've been getting up at 5am to go to gym (The horror! I know). It's really tough, but after the first few times, your body starts to get used to the routine and you'll find yourself waking up early voluntarily. Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Get a good night's sleep
When you get in bed the night before, get off Insta and put your phone on silent. You need a good, uninterrupted sleep. In a perfect world, you should get 8 hours, but try to get 6 at the very least.

2. Don't set 30 000 alarms
Don't kid yourself. Letting yourself sleep in for an extra 15 minutes is not going to magically make you chipper and alert. It's a lot easier to have one alarm that you HAVE to get up for.

3. Put the lights on
In summer, get up immediately and open the curtains. It's definitely easier to wake up when you have some sunshine on your face. In winter, just put on the lights - and not just the bedside lamp which is soooo convenient and dim enough to fall right back to sleep - get up and put on the lights.

4. Drink water
As soon as you get up, drink a large glass of cold water. It will help to rehydrate your body and make you feel less groggy.

5. Pack early
You got over the hard part and now you still have to pack lunch?! Oh hell no. Pack your lunch and gym kit the night before. You'll be all set with no excuses.


If all else fails, you'll have to get a partner like me who forcibly removes you from bed.

When does it end?

I dropped two kilos this week, but I don't see it as a victory.

I practiced mindful eating, and it was amazing because I got full so quickly, but it was also horrible because it forced me to be alone with my thoughts. I'm realising that one of the main reasons I (and so many others) eat in front of the telly or PC, is because it distracts you from loneliness. For almost every meal this weekend, I laid out the table, sat alone, and slowly ate my food. It got to a point that I didn't even want to eat because I didn't want to experience that soul-crushing sense of emptiness. By Sunday, I had half a brownie for dinner and went straight to bed.

It makes me wonder... when will this journey be over? I've enjoyed a lot of it, but there are moments such as this where I wish I could just switch it off and be normal again. This weekend, for whatever reason, I pushed myself way too hard at gym. I was sore and broken and I kept on going. Is this to be my life forever? Constantly pushing harder and harder trying to reach an unattainable goal? Most of the time I'm so happy and content with my progress... and then I see not one, but TWO girls at gym with crop tops and perfectly sculpted abs. (Seriously, bitch? Stop flaunting your perfect body in front of me) I look at how much time and effort it's going to take me to get to that level and it feels impossible.

Early Sunday morning, as I was putting on a load of laundry and doing other household chores, my room mate arrived back from a night of partying. I stopped drinking because they're empty calories, I don't stay out too late so that I can gym the next morning, I turn down events because I feel out of place, and I wonder if it is all worth it.

The Joys of Adulthood

Sometimes being an adult is hard.

For instance, when you have to come home to let the plumber in because your damn geyser is leaking. And of course, you're home now, there's no way you're going to get back in the car and brave Sandton traffic to go to gym. So instead, you put on a sports bra and short shorts (you're at home, ain't nobody looking at that muffin top now) and flip through the 4 channels that local tv has to offer.

You land on Days Of Our Lives and realise that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has changed in the plot in the last 10 years. Hope and John are once again imprisoned by diabolical Stefano Dimera (I mean, really? You're freaking cops, how do you manage to get captured so many times?!). For a moment you contemplate how sad your life is for knowing all these characters and their backstories... but you shrug it off and continue to work out in front of the telly - doing bicep curls and shoulder presses with little weights.
And then it dawns on you... that you have mutated... into a desperate housewife.

To be fair, when I conveyed this story to a friend, he said I could only be labelled a desperate housewife if I had started hitting on the plumber.

Annoying things people say #1

It was a sunny day in Durban when I scanned my tag at a new gym.

Trainer: Is this you? 

Me: Yes, why? 

Trainer: Are you sure?  

Me: Uhhh... yes? Why? 

Trainer: Your face looks so fat here!

When you lose those oh-so-squeezable cheeks and double chin, people really start to notice your weight loss. I understand people want to compliment me, but there's a line between being complimentary and being deeply offensive. I do LOVE how my face shape has changed, but I have to constantly remind myself that there was absolutely nothing wrong with how my face used to look. Fat or skinny, you have to love yourself and I love that old face. That face made friends. That face found love. That face has been with me for an amazing 25 years.

So no matter what douche bag trainers and colleagues say, I love my face. Fat or skinny :)

Getting out of a workout rut

We've all been there... dragged your butt to the gym for the fourth day in a row and staring at that infernal treadmill with burning hatred in your eyes.

I often get in a rut of going to gym and doing the same workout day after day without any real enthusiasm. Last week I had the flu and couldn't go to gym for a whole week. When I finally got back into it, I had a renewed excitement for my workout routine. I could push myself harder because my body had had time to fully recover.

I'm not saying ditch the gym and stuff your face on the couch, I'm saying mix up your routine and let yourself recover. Take a long walk, go swimming, or go to a stretching class on your rest days.

Welcome!

It was almost a year and a half ago when I started my journey. I made the commitment to lose weight and keep it off. I've lost 20kgs, but the struggle doesn't end at changing your eating habits and exercising more... there are much greater emotional factors to deal with. This blog is about my transition – eating better, exercising, finding healthy solutions to boredom and stress – and, most of all, coming to terms with the new and old me. Welcome! I'm glad we can continue this journey together.