Annoying things people say #4

Friend: Oh my god Susan's lost so much weight!

Me: Yeah I know, she looks really good.

Friend: She was starving herself though, she'll put it back on in a year.

Sorry, what?

I felt my blood boiling and my face getting hot. I jumped across the table like an animal and pounced on my friend. While yanking her hair furiously, I yelled in my loudest banshee shriek "HOW DARE YOU UNDERMINE SUSAN'S JOURNEY?!"

Well, I wanted to do that.

Instead, I quietly reflected on what she'd just said. Are you saying she's weak? Are you saying she can't stick to her goals? Are you saying her journey is pointless? Are you saying I'M going to put all the weight back on in a year? Are you saying MY struggle has been worthless?

Previously, I too would have scoffed at Susan's weight loss attempts... but now I understand the struggle. I know how much effort and dedication it takes. I know how much emotional turmoil you go through. I know how much you need support rather than criticism. I know how much those hurtful words can eat away at your confidence. All I really want to say is: please stop shaming each other. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Every journey is different

A quick note about yesterday's post on Fitness Goals - remember that everyone's journey is different and some people take longer than others. About 10 years ago, my mom tried to make me attend Weigh Less. I probably lost max 3kg. I was not ready to change my lifestyle. I was not ready to change my eating habits. I was not ready to deal with my emotional issues. If someone is not willing to make changes to their life, nothing you say or do can change that.

I've accepted that my journey will take very long. The way I see it, I'm undoing 25 years of damage I've inflicted on my own body. I've accepted that the process will be long, but the important thing is to enjoy the process along the way.

PS: Look what my mom bought me! #BestMomEver

When does it end?

I dropped two kilos this week, but I don't see it as a victory.

I practiced mindful eating, and it was amazing because I got full so quickly, but it was also horrible because it forced me to be alone with my thoughts. I'm realising that one of the main reasons I (and so many others) eat in front of the telly or PC, is because it distracts you from loneliness. For almost every meal this weekend, I laid out the table, sat alone, and slowly ate my food. It got to a point that I didn't even want to eat because I didn't want to experience that soul-crushing sense of emptiness. By Sunday, I had half a brownie for dinner and went straight to bed.

It makes me wonder... when will this journey be over? I've enjoyed a lot of it, but there are moments such as this where I wish I could just switch it off and be normal again. This weekend, for whatever reason, I pushed myself way too hard at gym. I was sore and broken and I kept on going. Is this to be my life forever? Constantly pushing harder and harder trying to reach an unattainable goal? Most of the time I'm so happy and content with my progress... and then I see not one, but TWO girls at gym with crop tops and perfectly sculpted abs. (Seriously, bitch? Stop flaunting your perfect body in front of me) I look at how much time and effort it's going to take me to get to that level and it feels impossible.

Early Sunday morning, as I was putting on a load of laundry and doing other household chores, my room mate arrived back from a night of partying. I stopped drinking because they're empty calories, I don't stay out too late so that I can gym the next morning, I turn down events because I feel out of place, and I wonder if it is all worth it.

Welcome!

It was almost a year and a half ago when I started my journey. I made the commitment to lose weight and keep it off. I've lost 20kgs, but the struggle doesn't end at changing your eating habits and exercising more... there are much greater emotional factors to deal with. This blog is about my transition – eating better, exercising, finding healthy solutions to boredom and stress – and, most of all, coming to terms with the new and old me. Welcome! I'm glad we can continue this journey together.