Spinning

Can we please take a moment to talking about indoor cycling? It's been about 4 days since my last spin class and I'm 87% sure I've broken my vagina. As a woman I find those seats uncomfortable AF... so how on earth do men manage? Firstly, the seat is hard as a rock. Second, when you have to lean forward, the front end of the saddle is digging into your bits like some sort of medieval torture... and this is something people willing do for 45 minutes?

I used to think spin class was boring. I mean really, you're just sitting in the same place staring at the wall for an hour. Then I went to a class that actually had a fantastic instructor. There I am sweating buckets, feeling like I'm at max resistance and he says "that's the end of the warm up". To my great horror, I realise that only 5 minutes has passed. Cycling is a whole other level of cardiovascular fitness.

However, you have to wade through all the crap instructors to finally find a good one. One instructor I know has the musical taste of a 60 year old woman. He played DISCO INFERNO when we were meant to sprint and go our fastest. Do you know how difficult it is trying to ride fast to VH1 classics 70s disco boogie? Very. It's very difficult.

Some spinning studios try to make the experience "cool". I love (I say love, but what I really mean is I sarcastically laugh at) how they turn down the lights and have almost UV blue club type of lighting. What with the blue lighting and the disco jams, I felt like I was at a Mix FM decades party.

Blogger Sheryl Kraft came to a brilliant conclusion about spin class lighting:

3. They keep the room so dark because:
a). you can’t see if your neighbor is dead or alive
b). your neighbor can’t see you grimacing in pain from the fire you feel in your thighs
c). if you want to leave class early, you can’t, because you can’t find your way out.

I must say I agree... but for some bewildering unnatural reason, I'm keen for another spot of torture next week.

Maintenance Update #2

I've been struggling to write this post because everything I think of sounds terrible. I've been re-reading my old posts and, to be honest, 6 months later I still feel the same. As one of my New Year resolutions, I said I would only step on the scale on Fridays. Guess what? After the last maintenance update I've been checking my weight every single day. If you're following my insta account, then you know my body fat percentage has gone from 22% in December to 25% in May. Not only was this hugely demotivating, but it made me paranoid that I'm moving backwards on this journey. My goal is still a body fat percentage of 20 (and I feel confident that I will reach it eventually) but every day is a struggle - often mingled with feelings of anxiety and guilt.

I still feel like I'm fat (or at least fatter than most people). Why is it that other people - who weigh the same as me or even more - have a completely flat stomach and I still have a flabby muffin top? I know we all have different bodies, but really? This seems unfair. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how long it will take to undo 25 years of damage. Will I ever reach my goals?

Sometimes the most unexpected things upset me the most. When a friend says "you're so lame" after I refuse a shot. When a family member says "you're taking this too far". I might be overly sensitive, but those words play on my mind. I start to wonder if they're right... I wake up at 5 for gym and finish work at 6. I cook, I do dishes, I go to sleep. Repeat. I start to question what my life has become - Am I boring now? What do I do with my time? Do my friends even like me? I realise that many people won't understand my journey - and that's fine - but it still hurts when what I deem hard work is met with criticism and disdain.

What did I tell you? It all sounds terrible. It sounds as if between cooking, work, and the gym, I sit in my room weeping. This is not the case. After maintaining my goal weight for 6 months... I'm proud. I'm confident. I celebrate small victories.

I'm really happy with how my relationship with food has changed. It's the little things that I'm most proud of: knowing that I need a colourful plate of food with 50% veggies, eating a big breakfast full of healthy protein. I've changed my frame of mind from a life of indulgence to a life of balance. Well, I'm slowly getting there at least. I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry and not when I'm stressed, and not when I'm bored. I fail miserably a lot of the time but, the point is, I'm more aware of it now.

I like how I'm pushing my body. People love to comment "oh you're taking it too far, you're pushing yourself too much" but I'm doing things with my body that I never thought was possible for me. I never thought I'd start pole dancing, hanging upside down, and holding on for dear life with the back of my leg. It makes me feel brave and in control of my own life, and I think that's what people don't understand. My friends and family see it as fitness taking over my life, but I see it as me taking back control of my own health, body, and fitness.

I have this stuck on my fridge: Don't be scared to be alone. Goals are personal. No matter what issues I have regarding my family, my friends or my body image... I'm stronger than I was 6 months ago, I'm pushing harder, and that's all that matters.

New Year Resolutions

This week was my very last day at Weight Watchers. After you've reached your goal weight, you have to maintain it for 6 weeks to become a lifetime member. By some miracle, I have managed to maintain 54.8kg through a holiday of hotel buffets, very little exercise, and New Year's indulgence.

 

What better way to kick off the new year? Starting the year at a happy, healthy goal weight...
My immediate feeling, however, was not one of elation, but rather of fear. I've spent exactly two years of my life on Weight Watchers. Every Monday afternoon I would attend a weigh-in wearing the lightest clothing I could find and get on the scale with fingers crossed. What do I do now? How do I proceed to live a normal life?

I'm not usually one for new year's resolutions, but this year I'm making an exception. To help maintain my weight (and keep my sanity) I'm setting new goals to work towards. For starters, I want to change my habits at the gym. When I was still trying to lose, I would compulsively get on the scale every single day. I would get on pre-workout, post-workout, post-pee... I tried desperately to change the numbers flashing at me. So this year I'm only stepping on the scale on Fridays.

I'm also endeavouring to put more effort into my appearance. What's the use in losing all this weight but still keep my outdated baggy clothing? I'm trying to make calculated decisions when it comes to clothing purchases - no more baggy dresses, no more lace, no more drab colours. I'm trying to start a whole new wardrobe of mature, well-fitted clothing that will make me feel as different as I look.

My journey to clean eating has been a slow but steady process. Every now and then I'll stuff my face with oily, salty goodness (often referred to as chips), but for the most part I eat pretty well. Clean eating means avoiding refined, processed foods and rather eating real whole foods like lean proteins, whole grains, and plenty fruit and veg. This wonderful woman Shira Bocar is the goddess of delicious clean recipes and I hope to cook more like her this year.

Lastly, I have two main fitness goals:
1. To do a full wide-armed pull up without assistance.
2. To do a free handstand without the wall.
Seems easy enough? Well, it's not. You go try that handstand. It's a bitch.

7 Unexpectedly AWFUL things that happen when you lose weight

It's not all sunshine and roses on the other side.

1. You are more aware of your body and it's flaws than ever before. Before I lost the weight, I was just fat... there was nothing else wrong with me. Now I see the flabby arms, the wobbly belly, the stretch marks. Even on my skinny legs I see the fat when I'm sitting cross-legged.

2. You will need a push up bra. These holidays my mother said to me, "God you really are flat now." Thanks... real confidence-booster, Mom.

3. Your relationships change. The moment my ex said "I'm not making fitness a priority anymore" I knew we no longer had anything in common. I really enjoyed working out together as a couple and he just thought it was boring.

4. You overthink every compliment you get. "You look great now!" Wait, how the hell did I look before?

5. You start to feel that your weight loss is your only worth. My current whatsapp profile picture is one of me scuba diving. A friend commented on it - not about my experience scuba diving, not that it's a nice picture. What did she say? "Where was this taken? Your legs are so thin."

6. People think it's their right and their job to tell you what to do with your body. A really close friend of mine just won't let it go - apparently my ears look big now, my face looks gaunt, I'm taking the weight loss too far, and if I put on 10 kilos then I'll be perfect. I'm sorry you feel that way but it's MY body and I'm going to do what I want.

7. People think you're not as fun as you used to be - I don't really drink anymore, I sleep early, I make gym a priority on Saturday morning. For most people, that means you're boring as fuck.

Shape magazine perfectly summarised these feelings in their article 6 Stages of Weight Loss Grief

Annoying things people say #5

So I'm walking out the gym after pilates and a swim, and the receptionist stops me.

Receptionist: Can I ask you something... you've lost a lot of weight, right?

Me: Yeah

Receptionist: So, how did you do it?

Me: Umm... well I'm here every day...

Receptionist: That's all?

Me: I've been eating healthier as well.

Receptionist: So no pills or anything??

You WORK at the gym, crazy lady. You know I'm here EVERY day. Why on earth would I be gyming my butt off if I were taking pills? Exercise and healthy eating - the commandments of weight loss - why would you believe otherwise?

Every journey is different

A quick note about yesterday's post on Fitness Goals - remember that everyone's journey is different and some people take longer than others. About 10 years ago, my mom tried to make me attend Weigh Less. I probably lost max 3kg. I was not ready to change my lifestyle. I was not ready to change my eating habits. I was not ready to deal with my emotional issues. If someone is not willing to make changes to their life, nothing you say or do can change that.

I've accepted that my journey will take very long. The way I see it, I'm undoing 25 years of damage I've inflicted on my own body. I've accepted that the process will be long, but the important thing is to enjoy the process along the way.

PS: Look what my mom bought me! #BestMomEver

Fitness Goals

Yesterday I had my third fitness assessment and I am so so happy with the results. Some things haven't changed much - my arm size went from 11 inches to 10. Yup, still got those jiggly Oprah arms. However, some things have changed...

My body fat percentage went from 39.1 to 27.5. My resting heart rate went from 80 to 60. My water percentage went from 43.4 to 50.9. These are massive amazing changes that you can't see when you look at the exterior. Setting fitness goals has taught me that it's really not about the number on the scale or even the centimeters lost. It's about getting fitter, faster, stronger, and loving how it makes you feel.

Click the pic to expand

At my very first session 8 months ago, my trainer Daniella told me to set goals to work towards - goals that have absolutely nothing to do with the scale. Perhaps you want to fit into that dress you bought three years ago and never wore again. Perhaps you want to run a half marathon. Find something to work towards that doesn't involve you hopping on the scale every morning praying the numbers go down.

Fitness goals are about slow and steady progress. Getting stronger one day at a time.

FAQ: Personal Training

8 months ago, I started personal training. There are 3 general questions I get asked about it:

1. Aren't you scared of getting too muscular?
No! I'm not lifting 50kg over here! Okay okay, to be fair... before I did my research I had the same misconceptions about weight training. We've all seen those scary buff girls with fake boobs and a Donald Trump tan and assume we'll look like that too. The truth is, you use weight training to build lean muscle, to burn fat, and to tone. Ever seen those girls with the incredibly firm perky ass? => Weight training. Squats.

 

 

2. Are you still with her? Don't you know everything now?
I've been for training 6 months. Daniella has been training for nearly 10 years - it's impossible for me to know everything. What I love about Daniella is that we do something different every single week. That way, you don't get bored with the routine and you learn new techniques all the time. A lot of people have told me that their trainer didn't do much with them and made them do a lot of cardio. You need to speak to your trainer and tell them what you want to focus on, and which parts of your body you want to work. If you're still not happy then change your trainer. You need to train with someone who inspires you, someone who will gently push you, and ultimately help you reach your fitness goals.

3. Maybe I should get a personal trainer? I need someone to make me do stuff.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but no-one can make you do anything. You are totally in control of your decisions. Daniella advises that her clients do 3 days of cardio in addition to the weight training once a week. Who's going to make you do those 3 days of cardio? The best way to get yourself to the gym is to do the things you love. Personally, I fell in love with running. I also love the dance workout class and body combat. Find a workout that you love and actually want to do and you won't need anyone to force you to gym.