Bingo Wings

I have this problem... It seems inconsiderate assholes are somehow drawn to me, as if they can sense my insecurities from a mile away like a shark smells blood. A few weeks ago I found myself sitting on a bench in complete shock with a needle sticking out my arm (I give blood every few months at work).

Moments before...
The male nurse tightened a pressure cuff round my arm, and all the excess flab compressed into the uncanny resemblance of a squished marshmallow. He asked, "Were you always this size or did you lose weight?" I hesitantly replied, "I lost weight... Why? How do you know?"

He responded, "I can tell by your arms."
At this point I already had a needle jabbed in my vein so I couldn't get up to slap him across the face.

This man has obviously never had a girlfriend because then he'd know to not comment on a woman's body or to carry on putting his foot in it...

He continued, "You know how you can fix it... (oh please DO tell) ...with bicep curls."
I literally had no words for this man... he felt the need to criticize my body and tell me how to "fix" my imperfections.

So thanks, dickhead, for commenting on my hideous arms and making me feel even more self-conscious than I already am.

Recipe: Pumpkin Oat Pancakes

These pancakes are light and fluffy, healthy, and gluten-free. I topped mine with cashew cream, maple syrup, nuts and strawberries :)

Pumpkin Oat Pancakes with Cashew Cream

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 cup cooked pumpkin
• 1/4 cup applesauce*
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 eggs

Method:

1. Put the oats in a blender and whizz until you get a powdery consistency
2. Add the rest of your ingredients and blend until combined
3. In a non-stick pan, cook your pancakes over medium heat
4. Once little bubbles start to form, flip and cook the other side

*You can buy pre-made applesauce but I think it's easy and cleaner to make your own. You simply peel an apple, cut into pieces and boil with a little water. Once the apple is soft, blitz in a blender. 

How to make Cashew Cream:

1. Soak 1 cup raw cashews in water for 3 - 8 hours (I just soaked mine overnight)
2. Drain the cashews and put in a blender
3. Add 1/3 cup to 3/4 cup water (depending on how thick you want your cream)
4. Blend until smooth, scraping down the sides occasionally

You can add sweetener and vanilla to your cashew cream mixture, but I prefer to leave it plain so that I can use it sweet or savoury.

Dat Ass

I was out in Greenside with friends when an enibriated woman called me over. She whispered "You're my sister" What? "I'm like Khloe Kardashian and you look exactly like Kourtney so we're soul sisters" Okaaaay crazy lady... 

This is the FOURTH time someone has told me I look like Kourtney Kardashian. What is it? The hair, the smile? Personally, I don't really see it... and I'm not sure if it's a compliment or an insult. Are you saying I look hot AF... or are you saying I look like a hoe bag? I do think Kourtney is the better-looking of the lot (compared to sasquatch Khloe and plastic Kim) but I'm not sure I like being compared to a 2K.

It's the booty... isn't it? I swear to you my ass has grown a few centimeters in just 6 months (possibly due to the fact that my trainer threatens us with violence if we don't squat ass to grass). The other day I noticed a visible panty line. It's like my underwear has turned on me... giving me the air of a dumpy middle-aged math teacher who's clearly given up on life. Don't get me wrong... I love having strong legs and glutes, but my god one of these days my legs are going all Incredible Hulk on these skinny jeans.

Annoying things people say #7

I'm going to Durban for the weekend. Get ready for a tirade of venting. It has begun:

On the phone
Grandmother: So what do you want for lunch on Saturday?

Me: Anything... I'm not fussy

Grandmother: What can you eat now?

Me: I eat everything

Grandmother: Oh... you eat everything? How's your weight now?

Really?! I eat like a normal human being so I must be fat again??

Recipe: Veggie-packed Chicken Chili

Healthy Chicken Chili

Ingredients:

• 2 tbs olive oil
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp coriander powder
• 1 tsp chili powder (or more if you like it hot)
• 1 tsp sugar
• 2 x 400g cans diced tomato
• 1 x 400g can cooked black beans
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed
• 250g mushrooms, chopped (I used portabellini)
• Half an onion, diced
• 1 small potato, diced
• 1 green pepper, diced
• 2 cups baby spinach, chopped
• 2 cooked chicken breasts, shredded*
• Fresh parsley and coriander
• Salt and pepper 

*Check the recipe below for perfectly cooked chicken breasts

Method:

1. In a large pot, add 1 tbs olive oil, onions, and a pinch of salt and cook over medium heat until the onions are translucent. 
2. Add the potato, cumin, coriander powder, chili powder, and garlic. (At this stage you can throw in any other root veg you like. I had a bag of carrot and butternut lying around so I threw that in too)
3. Add the tomato, sugar, as well as 1 can full of water. (The sugar helps to round out the acidity of the tomato) 
4. Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer until root veg is cooked through (about an hour)
5. In the meantime, clean and dice your mushroom and peppers. Never rinse mushrooms - they absorb water. Simply brush off the dirt using a paper towel.
6. In a saucepan, cook the mushrooms with 1 tbs olive oil over medium heat. Season with salt and pepper and set aside.
7. Once your root veg is cooked, add in the diced peppers and beans. If the chili has reduced too much, add a bit more water. Simmer for another 20 mins. 
8. Almost there! Mix in the cooked mushrooms and chicken and take the pot off the heat.
9. Finally, add the baby spinach and a handful of chopped parsley and coriander. 

To serve:
You can add any traditional chili toppings you like (avo, salsa, grated cheese). I've topped mine with a dollop of greek yogurt as a healthier alternative to sour cream.

Ina Garten's perfectly cooked chicken breasts:

1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C.
2. Rub the chicken breasts (bone in, skin on) with olive oil and place them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. 
3. Roast the chicken for 35 to 40 minutes, until just cooked.
4. Once cool, discard the skin and shred the meat.
   

Maintenance Update #2

I've been struggling to write this post because everything I think of sounds terrible. I've been re-reading my old posts and, to be honest, 6 months later I still feel the same. As one of my New Year resolutions, I said I would only step on the scale on Fridays. Guess what? After the last maintenance update I've been checking my weight every single day. If you're following my insta account, then you know my body fat percentage has gone from 22% in December to 25% in May. Not only was this hugely demotivating, but it made me paranoid that I'm moving backwards on this journey. My goal is still a body fat percentage of 20 (and I feel confident that I will reach it eventually) but every day is a struggle - often mingled with feelings of anxiety and guilt.

I still feel like I'm fat (or at least fatter than most people). Why is it that other people - who weigh the same as me or even more - have a completely flat stomach and I still have a flabby muffin top? I know we all have different bodies, but really? This seems unfair. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how long it will take to undo 25 years of damage. Will I ever reach my goals?

Sometimes the most unexpected things upset me the most. When a friend says "you're so lame" after I refuse a shot. When a family member says "you're taking this too far". I might be overly sensitive, but those words play on my mind. I start to wonder if they're right... I wake up at 5 for gym and finish work at 6. I cook, I do dishes, I go to sleep. Repeat. I start to question what my life has become - Am I boring now? What do I do with my time? Do my friends even like me? I realise that many people won't understand my journey - and that's fine - but it still hurts when what I deem hard work is met with criticism and disdain.

What did I tell you? It all sounds terrible. It sounds as if between cooking, work, and the gym, I sit in my room weeping. This is not the case. After maintaining my goal weight for 6 months... I'm proud. I'm confident. I celebrate small victories.

I'm really happy with how my relationship with food has changed. It's the little things that I'm most proud of: knowing that I need a colourful plate of food with 50% veggies, eating a big breakfast full of healthy protein. I've changed my frame of mind from a life of indulgence to a life of balance. Well, I'm slowly getting there at least. I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry and not when I'm stressed, and not when I'm bored. I fail miserably a lot of the time but, the point is, I'm more aware of it now.

I like how I'm pushing my body. People love to comment "oh you're taking it too far, you're pushing yourself too much" but I'm doing things with my body that I never thought was possible for me. I never thought I'd start pole dancing, hanging upside down, and holding on for dear life with the back of my leg. It makes me feel brave and in control of my own life, and I think that's what people don't understand. My friends and family see it as fitness taking over my life, but I see it as me taking back control of my own health, body, and fitness.

I have this stuck on my fridge: Don't be scared to be alone. Goals are personal. No matter what issues I have regarding my family, my friends or my body image... I'm stronger than I was 6 months ago, I'm pushing harder, and that's all that matters.

Swimming

For reasons unknown, I think it's still a good idea to go swimming in the middle of winter. The gym pool DOES have heating (so I'm not a complete madman) but it's still rather cold.

I dipped my right foot in. Fuck that's cold.

I hold onto the edge and lower myself in. Fuuuuuuck

Now fully in the pool, I've decided torture is not on the menu for today. 10 laps instead of 20.

I've never swum so fast in my life. In an attempt to warm myself up, I'm speeding freestyle across the pool.

Aaaargh my lungs, my heart. This is how I die...

Apparently when I swim fast I pretty much stop breathing.